Comments on: Is Your Kid a Bully on the Court

By: Kimberly

Kimberly

In reply to HS. That is very sad. I feel for your son. Personally I would definitely say something gently to your friend. Hopefully she is more understanding and works with her son. One can hope ;)

By: HS

My son is 7 and sadly, he has been bullied. The sad part is, it is by “friends”. We homeschool. During a ladie’s bible study, all the kids played outside together while the mom’s stayed inside discussing the bible. Afterwards, my little, quiet, sweet son told me that one of the boys kept pushing him and blowing on his face. The bully told my son “if you get off the swing and let so-and-so have the swing, I promise i’ll pick you to be on my team” so my son got off the swing because he likes this mean kid (why!) and wanted to be picked on my team. As soon as he got off the swing, the bully laughed and said “ha ha I was lying!” My son told me “mommy, a promise is a promise, I can’t believe he broke his promise”. Then they teased him that he was a lower ranking color karate belt than they were. I mean, seriously? These kids are ages 7-10. We all homeschool together. The mom is my friend and would die if she knew. We have to hang out with them all the time. But I feel like I can’t tell her because I’m afraid she’ll be defensive. I’m stuck. Bullying is so, so, so sad. I don’t know what to do.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa

I hope there is a good outcome to this story. I’m trying to remember is I’ve ever been bullied in my life and I don’t think so. I was lucky. I would be so upset if this was done to my child.

By: Kimberly

Kimberly

In reply to Renae. Such great advice Renae. Thank you. I loved what you wrote.

By: Renae

Renae

We use the phrase from a song in the movie Frozen, “People make bad choices if they’re mad or scared or stressed,” to explain bullying to our kiddos. Because in almost all cases, the bully is one of those things and is trying to make himself feel better through bullying. In our home we have the unique situation where one of our own children is the bully (and we homeschool too). As we’ve tried to teach our children how to respond, we had help from our developmental pediatrician to set up a plan.
1. Respond to the bully verbally, asking them to go away, leave you alone etc.
2. Move yourself away from the situation when possible.
3. Report to an adult if one is present.
3. Defend yourself if needed, then immediately report to an adult.

I still cringe when I read these steps, but I know that it’s important to keep all of my children safe, especially with a child who can and does inflict harm on others in a variety of ways. I’ve learned that I can’t be there to protect my children every moment of every day and ultimately they need to learn how to cope with these situations themselves in the ways they are able.

Also a few things we’ve learned along the way in our own situation, because we definitely have been there, sadly with one of our own kids being the bully and the other being the victim.

We’ve had to teach our kids that when bullies see their victims reacting in the ways they want them to, they will continue to bully, because it fuels the fire. That’s an absolutely horrible thing to have to teach, but we’ve had to to do it.

Second, document everything. You mentioned reporting the incident. Report it, because the more documentation that builds up over time if this child continues to bully the better. Even if your child is the first victim, there will be more. When the incidents are documented and reported to the proper people, they are able to make a case in the future if necessary. This protects you as the parent, your child, and any others, because ultimately the decision will be made by those in charge.

Third, give the parents of the bully the benefit of the doubt. You truly never know what their situation is. You don’t know how hard they’ve tried to help their children. You don’t know what disabilities the child may have that may not be visible to the eye. You don’t know their past, or anything about them. We’ve worked so hard to teach our children compassion, to pray for those that hurt them, etc. There is so much that we don’t have control over in this world.

Hugs! Sorry I wrote a book. Lol. This is just a subject that is so near and dear to my heart, because of my children. I think you’re doing an awesome job!